Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
