the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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