my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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