I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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