I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
