What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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