I want to stick my p in your. b.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
