His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
