i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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