you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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