Slut skills are useful in every country.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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