I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
