He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The air was thick with penises
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
