gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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