Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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