my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
