Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Houston, we have a blender
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
