I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
