He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
