Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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