Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
