i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
