I'm jealous of your bromance
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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