I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
