sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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