She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
