Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
