Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
