Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
