Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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