Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
organizing the empties. That sober.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
