Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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