sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
