I just saw a hot homeless man
I could make wine with my vomit
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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