wrigley field is MILF paradise
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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