he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
