his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
