Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
