I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
