if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
