i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
