Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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