I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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