VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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