if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
True strength comes from lack of pants
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
