UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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