We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
