Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
