he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
