The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
