K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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