If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this will be a night to untag.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
