can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
