My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
